Category Archives: Hopes and Fears

Ever since we become aware of our surroundings and life around us, the will to live becomes stronger, along with our hopes and fears for ourselves and others who play a vital role in our lives. We interact with others and develop the desire to share our experiences with them and hear about their life. Here are some people who hope, have dreams and nightmares. Listen to their stories.

Flowers flourish in murky waters….

My Mumma told me long ago….’try not to blame your circumstances, do your best wherever and whenever you can, the lotus flourishes in muddy waters’…… .(almost everything I see connects to her telling me fascinating things)……at that time….I had thought ‘I have the best of circumstances, why does Mum think I’ll be in terrible situations?’…..While traveling in the North-East, we came across a beautiful little pond..with pink and purple water flowers…I call them that as I can not distinguish between the lotus and the lily! we stopped awhile and sat on the grassy banks to enjoy a ‘hot beverage’ ( Sheldon Cooper’s copyright)……the only sound was of the chirping of the birds and the dragonflies as they swooped over the flowers….I peeped into the barely-visible water…..it was muddy and murky………without the mud, these flowers can not thrive, without the flowers, the water is just a muddy ditch…….

 


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The balloon boy

Whenever I see a child selling balloons at a traffic light, my heart tightens a little as I remember a little boy from long ago. On a winter’s day, we were out celebrating the second birthday of our child, when a little boy requested us to buy some. He was about 7 years old, wearing worn out clothes. His hair was combed back neatly and his silent eyes had unfathomable depth. I silently clutched my son closer to me and told my husband to pay for all the balloons. The balloon seller’s eyes lit up, until I told him that he could keep the balloons for himself. he reached out his tiny little hands and said, “I am not asking for money, if you do not want the balloons, please take the money back.” Tears welled up in my eyes and we took some balloons. Every now and then I say a prayer for the child on the streets, a prayer that he preserved his character of working hard, of being self-sufficient, of integrity and wisdom that went beyond his years or lifestyle. God bless him and others like him. I have bought toys and other small curios from street vendors before and after that, but nobody else touched my heart. God bless that child and his family, who must be a grown man by now.DSC08258


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Another end, another beginning

The sun may set on you, it shines for someone else, somewhere far away

As another corner of the world celebrates the break of dawn

Another zone is bustling, every hour of every day

Off to work they rush, before daylight is gone

The need to succeed in the material world

Life spins by in a whirl 

Stop awhile, share precious moments with those you love

Before we all depart to the heavens above……

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Mirror, mirror…time to reflect

When you look at yourself , what do you see? An imperfect human form? What should you see?

  • Make sure it’s a person who knows how to smile, who has beautiful laughter lines
  • Admire your soul which helps out those less fortunate
  • See the beautiful eyes that look beyond the outward appearance
  • Smile, you make the world a better place
  • There is time to make yourself more beautiful by listening to, feeding, clothing, educating, touching other’s lives…..
  • The gorgeous you awaits further beautification of a soul that makes its existence on this planet worthwhile….
  • What/ whom do you see when you look in a mirror….let’s hope it’s someone you love and respect……an imperfect soul who is trying beautifully to make the world a better place 🙂 …..I see a woman who would not want to trade looks and places with anyone else on the whole planet….I see the good, the bad and the ugly in me…I see a challenge to balance them all….I see someone who is truly alive….and that makes me happy….the smile is semi-permanent 🙂

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Good parenting…Mirage or Miracle??

Parenting for human babies is what allows them to survive…unlike most other creatures on this planet, we nurture, protect and nourish our helpless young from the moment they enter the universe, bawling and unfit to survive on their own, A majority of us think we are doing it better than all the others!!!!! What constitutes good/ great parenting???? Is there a cultural/ regional/ racial difference? Or are there certain Universal guidelines??? Whoever knows can enlighten us, I sure as hell cannot say I am an expert. How do you decide whether or when to be a Darling or a Dragon??? For simplicity, since I have a son, I will refer to the child as ‘he’….Here is what seems to work for our family:

  1. Never compare your child to someone else’s child….what if the child says he wants some other child’s parents??? None of us are perfect, do not expect perfection from the child
  2. “Do your best” was what our parents said to us, it implies that the child is making the best effort he can….that should be more than good enough for you
  3. Do not abuse a child….verbally, physically, emotionally, sexually……….that is the least we can do, we owe our child that…the child did not submit an application to be born in our home, we made that decision
  4. Protect the child from abuse by others…one cannot be overcautious when it comes to abuse…look out for signs of abuse, be aware that it is a global curse, if it happens, do what it takes to ensure the child is reassured and heals without thinking it is his fault, get the offender punished. Educate the child about abuse, without scaring him
  5. Give the best of facilities and support that you can….guidance is a must, there is a fine line between pushing your child and guiding him….do not cross that line
  6. Plan activities that the child enjoys….sneak in stimulation of the body and mind while the child has fun
  7. Encourage good eating habits, but allow junk food occasionally
  8. Talk about the facts of life when he is ready…..allow him to talk about anything to you…..or he will talk to others who may mislead him. Be gentle, do not ridicule him
  9. Respecting his elders is important, teach by example
  10. Never differentiate between a girl child and a boy child
  11. Give age-appropriate freedom, while watching over him. There is a distinction between protecting and stalking……..talk to your child often, letting him let you what goes on in his peer group and his life. Do not be quick to denounce or judge whom he interacts with
  12. Encourage him to bring friends home…it’s better than them hanging out at other ‘joints’
  13. Discuss all issues freely…..drugs, alcohol etc…..respect his queries and answer intelligently 
  14. Do not disrespect your spouse/ partner in front of your child. Do not criticize your partner behind his back, to your child
  15. From an early age, make him responsible for small chores like taking care of his clothes, shoes, room etc
  16. Do indulge the child by buying the best/ latest gizmos and gadgets as he learns from them. That cell phone could keep him safe…add features like ‘track my phone’ etc after discussing it with him
  17. When he is old enough, teach him to drive
  18. Respect for the other sex, domestic help is your responsibility, teach him well
  19. Non-violence and respect for humans and animals is a must
  20. Do not pester him to call or visit when he is away ……he will do all this if your home is a haven and a pleasure to visit………..                                                                                                It is an ever-evolving subject, a never-ending list. The acid test?? The child rushes to visit you, wants to talk to you when away…and trusts you enough to confide in you. Lead by example, he has been watching you since he was born……do not forget to tell him you love him unconditionally and are proud of him, make great memories with him 🙂

 

 


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23 years of partnership

When we decided to spend our lives together, we knew a certificate or ceremony was not important to us, but for the sake of the family and to avoid unpleasant never ending arguments in society, we got hitched the traditional way.

What makes us tick??? A heart that pumps blood, a brain that sometimes functions well and a deep rooted attraction for the mental, physical and spiritual constitution of the other half. What makes the attraction last forever???

  • Making a list of non-negotiable traits before taking the plunge (for some cheating or dishonesty may not be a big deal, while for others it will destroy a relationship, make your own list of things you can not live with and say goodbye if the other does not agree ). Once you agree on morality and a lifestyle and choices, you have it made. All other things/ qualities are secondary and a bonus.
  • Focusing on the other’s good points.
  • The biggest gift of all is time, make time for each other, which is exclusive.
  • Not teaching each other swimming, driving or how to play a musical instrument.
  • Not sharing a washroom in the morning if you both have to leave at the same time for work.
  • Allowing the other person to pick a vacation spot/ movie/ hotel allows you both to really enjoy yourselves. 
  • Pampering the other on a birthday, anniversary and….on every day you are together.
  • Doing things for the first time on each anniversary ( we went kayaking last year and took a helicopter ride to the Kedarnath temple in the Himalayas, while both were strapped in the front seat next to the pilot).
  • Spending 2 days exclusively with each other at least once a year ( a child will have to be taken care of by the grandparents, which they and the child will enjoy).
  • Teasing each other, flirting and laughing together.
  • Never abusing each other/ fighting in public or in front of your child.
  • Telling each other every single day that you love each other and are in the relationship out of choice, not compulsion.
  • Making each other’s fantasies come true (yeah, about that, if they love you they would want something you both long for).
  • Make your voice heard, you are an intelligent, unique human being who is more interesting because you do disagree.
  • Doing everything with all your energy and passion…be it an argument, a fight, showering love and affection…be uninhibited with each other.
  • Life is too short…walk out if you are in a abusive relationship or are unhappy……Cheers to whatever life we all have left 🙂                                                                Do NOT marry a man because ‘nobody understands him, he’s lonely and he has nobody in his life but you’……You are not his mother, do not try to improve his life or change him. Some other woman may be unfortunate enough to accept him and be content to mother him……..                                                                                                                  Please so not make the mistake of pitying a person and being with them.                          Do not try to change yourself for anybody. There will be plenty of people who need and want you….at any rate, you should want yourself the way you are.                        For those who are bored or dissatisfied with a relationship….end it before cheating with someone else. Remember, if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you too……Most importantly, do not listen to me, I was lucky to meet a great person who is perfect for me….I take no credit for it.                                                                                         When my guy proposed, I wrote him a letter listing all my awful traits. He read through it seriously, then said…’You have left out so many’!!!. He ran before the vase hit him….Choose the one who wants the wicked and crazy in you, that’s what makes life fun. Do not compromise, fall in love, it is all right if you make blunders, it is not worth it to settle down just because you feel it is the ‘right time’.   It;s wonderful to share the secrets of your soul with your mate (all passwords included)….but it’s vital to enjoy your own company and be complete in yourself.                                                                         DSC07855
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The biggest gift of all

Humans are unique.. thank the powers-that-be for that! There are people who love gifts and those that do not .. rarely is a gift something that a person really wants… what works for you? Here is what works in our family…

Time spent together is the best gift hence we all try to make time for each other .. exclusive moments

There are no gifts exchanged on special occasions!! As and when we go out.. if someone gazes longingly at an ‘affordable ‘ inanimate object, it is bought by the other

Either we paint / write a card … or we don’t give one ( yup, we don’t give any now)

Rules apply to family and really close friends as we do not want the ‘inbuilt human assessment of material goods’ to take time away from precious moments together…

Each to her/ his own… we have been giving away things bestowed upon us by well meaning people and returning the favour by giving  presents they don’t cherish  ( I am quite sure of it!!) .. each person should just buy what they want as and when they want to

P.S…. I guess I’m a hypocrite since I have more material possessions than I will ever need!!! They are not gifts though! Except from the family who knows what I want and I try to reciprocate 😊


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Cypressvine Morning glory-our garden

I’ve planted many flowers, shrubs and vines in our garden that are supposed to attract hummingbirds……now that they are flourishing, I have realized that they are beautiful on their own and am grateful to enjoy the sight of the flowers every day, the presence of absence of the promised birds is inconsequential …..sometimes we keep wishing for something or someone without realizing that we already have the very best with us……life is great……..we are complete in ourselves, having someone to share the beauty of life and Nature is a bonus, not a necessity!!! Thank you to the plants for reaffirming that…….

 


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Vital statistics assessors

The New Age BMI, BMR, weight, height and girth assessment experts are…………

  • Sales people in the garment stores!!!!!
  • Security personnel at airport who frisk us!!!!

I got the sweet confirmation of a reduced circumference when I walked into the stores I’m familiar with….I like to buy something new before a flight….yes, I’m getting on a plane tomorrow…’my true love for to see’……..Anyway, the sales girls and boys looked intently at the parts of me which were the areas of interest according to the clothes I was taking to the trial room…..they guessed the newly reduced size accurately!!!! 

In fact, these were generally the same people who had recommended a size larger than they were now suggesting 2 months ago when I bought the same stuff!!!!! They were accurate down to the decimal points!!!! 

I look forward to my monthly physical and biometric examination by the lady at the airport tomorrow morning…..all the people who assess us are polite and experienced…..I have a new-found respect for them…….yes, I came home and ate a milk chocolate……and actually ate half of it, before discarding the other half….this is a first for me!!!


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Abuse of angels

There are some born to misery

Right from their delivery

Onto the planet earth

Have never gotten their worth

Instead of being nurtured and loved

They are abused, pushed and shoved

They stop crying for help and lose hope

With the horrors they survive and cope

Some escape to inspire and help others

While others become abusers of their sisters and brothers

The powers-that-be seem to abandon them

How is that they only favour some

Of the children that are born

Some are pampered, others are torn….

Help if you see the signs and signals

Protect children from a life so dismal…..

 

 

 

 

 


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